In response to the daily prompt for today, seen here, I will have to be fairly brief, as my home internet has been inexplicably down for the past two days, hence my lack of an entry yesterday.
2013 has been a decidedly life-changing year since I was forced to examine my life with new eyes due to grappling with depression and anxiety. I took a close look at things that were causing my constant state of dismay, and determined several causes- one was being embarrassed about my eye condition at work and social situations (a cone dystrophy that causes poor central vision, diminished ability to distinguish colors, and poor night vision), another being dissatisfied with the fact that I haven’t “made it” in the sense that I had hoped for by this age (self-sufficiently living alone without need for roommates), and a feeling of emptiness and loneliness from stagnant relationships and lack of close friends I could confide in. These were things that had been brewing for years, but only became apparent to me within this year, 2013.
At this stage I am proud of myself for having made the choice to be sober, as well as making other changes to better myself, one being this blog. I held things in all the time, refused to even write in a journal because I couldn’t stand the sound of myself. Now I am becoming more comfortable in communicating and accepting who I am as a person. I may be shy and kind of goofy and socially awkward, but my closest friends embrace those qualities and don’t criticize me for them, so why should I criticize myself? And I certainly don’t need substances to make myself more “acceptable” in social situations.